This is Wait, What?, a column that explains the seemingly incomprehensible.
When I heard that a Russian oligarch known as “The Sausage King” was killed in the sauna with a crossbow, my first thought was: “Aw man, I miss going to the sauna.” (COVID-19 has put a stop to my favorite weekly habit, seeing as how a communal sauna is about the least socially distant place on earth.) But I quickly snapped out of it and into my next thought: “подожди, что? Sausage King … sauna … crossbow???” да, my friends, it’s true. Here’s what to know about this sweaty, meaty, Slavic murder case.
Who is the Sausage King of Russia?
[Takes drag of cigarette] You mean, besides Viggo Mortensen going full frontal in Eastern Promises?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, fine. That would be Vladimir Marugov, an oligarch and businessman who owns the sausage factories “Ozyorsky sausages” and “Meat Empire,” some of the largest meat-processing plants in Russia.
When and where was Marugov murdered?
The Guardian reports that the Investigative Committee of Russia (basically the Russian FBI) announced that the victim was found dead in the outdoor sauna hut at his home 25 miles outside of Moscow on Monday morning. The crossbow that killed him was reportedly found at his side.
Who killed him?
It’s still unclear who the assailants are, but a group of masked men reportedly broke into the sauna and tied Marugov and a female companion up before demanding money. She escaped through a window and called the police, but by the time they arrived, Marugov was dead.
Per the BBC, the perpetrators’ getaway car was discovered in Istra, a town outside Moscow.
Anything else we should know about Marugov?
The Moscow Times reports that, since last year, “he had been involved in a highly publicized property rights conflict with his ex-wife, poet Tatyana Marugova.”
What other famous Russian sauna-related mishaps have gone down in recent years?
Just last month, a reindeer herder enjoying a toasty break in the Russian arctic was reportedly attacked by a polar bear who infiltrated the outdoor steam sauna he was in. He managed to get away, albeit after sustaining some gnarly injuries.
And, sadly, a Russian man competing in the world sauna championships in Finland back in 2010 died from extreme heat exposure after sitting in a 110°C, or 230°F, sauna for six minutes.
Safe saunaing, everyone.